A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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