Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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