You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
