Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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