Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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