I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
