Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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