Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
