i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
