i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
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