she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I got her a Nickelback box set.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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