Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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