I think i peed on brittanys purse
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
