When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
