Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
