Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
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I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
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Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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