I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
