I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
