As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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