God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Randomize