she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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