I wish I could punch you in the face.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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