Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
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why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
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Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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