Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
