How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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