I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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