I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im six kinds of drunk right now
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
