I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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