Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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