A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took my balls.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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