he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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