My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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