This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
