Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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