Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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