We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We're too hungover to prance.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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