Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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