My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You are a genius and a whore.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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