if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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