She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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