Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
