he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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