i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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