when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
