I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
