I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
