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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
