I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
