You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
