Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
