If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize