It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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