I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
