dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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