Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
